Comparison seems to have become a daily part our lives. Social media has inevitably made this worse, with people posting their most glamourous photos for the world to see (and compare). Motherhood and being a parent can already be such an overwhelming and fearful experience, without the unnecessary addition of worrying why you don't you have the same lifestyle of a mother who may or may not live in the same country as you. All of sudden you stop caring about yourself, and start taking care of the little dependent in front of you. Then we scroll through Facebook and Instagram and compare ourselves to other mothers. We compare our clothes, our houses, our photos, and the way we are as a mother. Why is that? What do we compare ourselves? Is it the fact that we feel sad that we haven't achieved the same as others, or is it the idea that their life seems 'more perfect' than yours. Comparing yourselves to others on social media has always been an issue, and something that I have constantly spoken to my students about. Majority of people (but definitely not all) are using social media to portray the perfect aspects of their life. It's like picking a bunch of flowers, you're going to pick the stems that look the best, not the ones that are half dead. We start comparing ourselves as mothers through filters, good lighting and 'great' moments, but reality is, those mothers out there have vomit stained clothes just like you.
Don't get me wrong, it's so easy to scroll through instagram and think that others have it better than you. I do it too. When I first had Kaiden, I use to think how do 'they' look like that after just having a baby? How do they have time to wear makeup and pretty dresses so early in the morning? Meanwhile, there I was, hair unbrushed and wearing grannie undies to hold in the large maternity pads. Reality is Aunt flow is hitting those 'perfect' mothers too, they just don't talk about it. Sometimes people would rather not show their chaotic, 'not together' lifestyle. Instead, they want to portray a picture perfect motherhood journey as a little getaway from their real world. Which is fine. But the issue is we compare ourselves to their 'non-reality', and that's not fair. It's not fair on you, it's not fair on your kids, and it's not fair on all the mothers out there.
As I say to my students, when talking about relationships; people put up pictures of them and their partner kissing, going on date nights etc, but what you don't know is the wife has just lost her s&%# because once again the husband can't seem to put the clothes in the laundry basket (pretty much my life, ha). The same goes when comparing yourself to mothers who possibly have it worse than you. If you see a creaming baby or toddler in the shopping centre, don't think 'at least I am a better mother than that', instead, think about how that poor mother may feel. Maybe she's trying her hardest, maybe the toddler is screaming because he didn't get the ice-cream he wanted. When we were kids, my brother was a handful (we love him, but he was so naughty). He would run away in the shopping centres, and immediately throw tantrums if he didn't get what he wanted. I think now about how many people probably judged my mum when Jacob was screaming on the shopping centre floor, how many mums probably looked and didn't offer to help, and that breaks my heart. I knew my mum had it tough with him, but she is honestly the most amazing mother. We now tease Jacob for giving my parents hell!
The point is comparing yourself as a mother to other mothers is unrealistic. You don't have the same children, you don't have the same qualities, and you don't have the same life. Your children may be awake all night, theirs may sleep until 10am. Your husband may be home every single night, theirs may work long hours, six days a week. You have different lifestyles and different priorities. You are YOU! Embrace that. Embrace yourself as a mother. Did you feed your child today? Yes. Is your child wearing appropriate clothing for the weather? Yes. Did you manage to cook dinner for tonight? Yes. The you're doing a bloody good job! Becoming a parent for the first time is already hard; let's not make it worse by wishing we were something else. Instead, let's inspire each other to keep doing what we are doing. Encourage one another to love ourselves, our strengths, our flaws, and our own motherhood journey. I'm sure the elephants and lions in the wild don't compare the way they mother their babies (because they are so different), and so are you.
So next time you're scrolling through your newsfeed and see beautiful mothers wearing branded clothes, with their kids looking like the have just jumped straight out of a magazine, take a photo of yourself and your baby (or babies), and post it. I can assure you there will be plenty of mums out there ready to relate.
'Don't compare your life to others. There's no comparison between the sun and the moon. They shine when it's their time'.
Sending love
xx Jessica
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